Monday, September 10, 2012

"God, Make It Quick"

I have found something Scott wrote just a few days after he received the news of his illness. The full text is below:


"3/7/2012    D[ay] 3 and counting since the call"

A little history: 

Scott is referring to the phone call he received from our primary care physician on March 4, 2012, a  Sunday evening at home. He said right away that it must not be good news if your doctor is calling you at home later on a Sunday. 

After hearing the news from the C.A.T. scan, I told Scott what my mother had told me the week before, while he was away on a business trip with our Levi: that if it is stage 4 Pancreatic, he has about three months…

Scott went three months and one day, passing on what I refer to as his day of Grace. 

Below is the writing from Scott which I found just last week tucked inside his jeans in his dresser.  I have seen this notebook many times before but did not know he was writing in it. If he left it to be found later, I do not know for sure.

I do know that his writing reflects a knowledge that he was not going to survive his illness. I think he protected me from this belief and feeling. Others who visited told me after Scott’s passing that he talked to them as if he were leaving. 

I never let go that a miracle could happen and Scott could heal, until I saw heaven coming to get Scott, and then I let go, too. He is there now. 

So without further ado, here is what Scott wrote: 

"God make it quick. God please help those that love and need me. 
 Comfort and protect them, Lord. Find ways for them. I give this to You. 
Sail my ship over the waves. Hold them close, Lord. It hurts so much to think of the pain and suffering and loneliness that they will experience. I wish that I could be there for them when I am gone. But I know that is Your job.  
Keep [evil] away, this I pray in Jesus’s name. There are many strong Christian men that can help them along. Take care of my widow. Help her also to know how much I love her and appreciated all that we have had together. It has been good. We have learned, grown and loved well." 


Well, that is it! Thank you for reading.

God Bless, All-
-Allison
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